Episode Transcript

The Main Street CEO with Theresa Cantley

Episode: Confidence Isn’t a Light Switch: How to Quiet Self-Doubt and Trust Yourself Again, with Morgan Barkus

Guest: Morgan Barkus, confidence coach, founder of The Confidence Stage and host of Your Unapologetic Life

Runtime: about 1 hour 10 minutes

Accessibility note: This transcript is provided for listeners who are deaf or hard of hearing, and for anyone who prefers to read. It has been lightly edited for readability, removing repeated words and false starts, with no change to meaning. Timestamps mark where each speaker begins. Audio that could not be made out is marked [Inaudible.]

Speakers

Theresa Cantley, host of The Main Street CEO, business advisor and author

Morgan Barkus, guest, confidence coach

Transcript

Theresa Cantley (00:02)

Good afternoon, everyone. I am so super excited for today’s episode because I am joined by the one and the only, the confidence coach, Morgan Barkus. Yay! I’m so excited for you to be here.

Morgan Barkus (00:20)

Girl, thank you for having me. Well, and let us not forget we are also friends. Once we got on our first Zoom together, we were just going, going, going. It was like, okay, that’s been over an hour.

Theresa Cantley (00:25)

Yes.

Theresa Cantley (00:30)

I know. Well, like I told you, I could talk to you for hours because her stories, and you’re gonna hear all about her today. So anybody who is watching live on Facebook and LinkedIn, or anybody who is listening to the podcast once this goes live, anywhere you can listen to a podcast, you are gonna see very, very quickly that she is funny.

She is super smart. She has lived about ten lives. And she is just the most amazing person you will ever talk to, which is why every time I get on with you, like, I could talk to you for hours. You know? Like I’ve known you forever. So

Morgan Barkus (01:05)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (01:17)

Well, and I’m so very grateful you sent me a voice note recently on Instagram and just thanked me for being so authentic because it inspires you. So for me, if I’m just myself and I’m out here just living my life and sharing stories about it and it’s inspiring to anyone, I’m really grateful.

Theresa Cantley (01:36)

Yeah. No, I mean, and again, when you listen to her and you listen to her story and you listen to, kind of, again, she’s lived like a thousand lives, you know, you will see why she is so, like, she just inspires you. She just inspires you to want to be a better person. And in today’s, you know, in today’s day with everything that’s going on in the world, everything that’s going on in this country, you know, we need people like you.

Morgan Barkus (02:05)

Yeah, a little sass, a lot of kindness, just authenticity and realness. I think, yeah, I think more and more people are interested. I mean, you look at, for me, reality TV, I always think, why do people want, and it’s real to a certain degree, but I think people don’t want the fakeness. They want a little glimpse into other people’s lives. And so I had a YouTube channel for many, many years. I ended up

Theresa Cantley (02:33)

Wow, could you?

Morgan Barkus (02:33)

deleting it, which I’m really kicking myself for, because I had hundreds and hundreds of videos and thousands of subscribers, because back in the day my buddy challenged me, and this was like 2015 or ’16, and he’s like, Morgan, what if you did three hundred and sixty-five videos in three hundred and sixty-five days? And I was like, whoa. I said, I’m gonna do it. And it was fun and it was just so random. And it was Ask Morgan, and people would ask me things or I would just

observe things in the wild and then go, you know, I was just thinking, and it was very authentic because at that time I was still a stripper, also working full time in corporate. So I had all these different lives that didn’t necessarily connect. And it’s interesting. And I had a lot of stories to tell. But then when I got a corporate job in med device sales, I panicked because I thought, what if somebody goes and looks at these videos and I get fired for this past life that I had? Totally panicked, deleted the channel completely. I didn’t

realize I could have archived it, like an idiot. But anyway, so all those are gone. But I missed that time in my life. And that’s why, despite still being in corporate, I thought, I still have this creative energy in me. I have the trained therapist in me, and I was like, I still want to share my stories. And other women would reach out to me and go, I really miss your videos. And I thought, God, I got to get back to that because

Theresa Cantley (03:32)

Well

Morgan Barkus (03:57)

I enjoyed it. And hopefully it won’t get me fired, but I thought, yeah, I have to be authentic to me because people, they want a glimpse into other people’s lives. And for me, I wanted it not to be just entertainment. Because I do have friends that are like, Morgan, if I need a little pick-me-up, I just go watch your stuff because it makes me laugh. And there are things also that hopefully go, huh? It’s something to think about. It’s something to consider, a book I recommend or a perspective that I throw out there. And

Theresa Cantley (04:06)

Mm.

Theresa Cantley (04:13)

It’s true.

Morgan Barkus (04:26)

And it’s just to live out loud. Like I have a friend who just today told me, she said, Morgan, you know, because we send heart checks to each other every Monday. So I’ll send her a video, like, what’s on my heart, what’s going on in my life, then she’ll send a video. And I was sharing with her that a coworker of mine, I was telling him about,

you know, I booked first class tickets for my mom. She’s never flown first class. So that’s a surprise. We’re gonna stay at the Ritz-Carlton for the first night, and then we’re gonna go to this little Airbnb that I picked out on the beach in Florida. And everything’s a surprise. It’s already paid for. I said, I’m so excited to surprise her with this girls’ trip. And he looks at me and goes, you know what I like about you, Morgan? You live life. And I was like, I do. And if that’s inspiring to other people, then I wanna share that because I want other people to go out.

I have one girl that’s followed me for well over ten years. She joined the Confidence Club, which is my free community. And she jumps on the first call and she goes, Morgan, I’ve been following you for like ten years. She’s like, I just don’t understand how the fuck you’re so happy, but I’m curious. So that’s why I’m here. And I’m like, great, you know, so it just

Theresa Cantley (05:34)

What makes you so happy? Like, I mean, there are things in life, and you’ve gone through a lot. I mean, you’ve gone through a lot. And yet, yeah, you live life. You live like you are happy. Like, what is the secret? There is no secret. What is it?

Morgan Barkus (05:57)

There is a moment. I’ll say that. I don’t know about a secret, but there was a moment. So I grew up in a small town in Wisconsin. I was, you know, the firstborn. I was always very diligent. If you’re familiar with StrengthsFinder or CliftonStrengths, my top five strengths, I’m like responsible, discipline, activator. Like, I am a very structured person. And so I was like, by the book.

Theresa Cantley (06:23)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (06:25)

You know, great grades. I always wanted to, you know, make my mom and dad happy. I’ll give you an example. They were on vacation one year. They always went every spring-ish to Santa Fe, New Mexico, and we had dogs and horses and all the things. And I went around before they came home in the spring and picked up all the dog poop from the yard. And mind you, our yard is like bigger than a football field. So I’m over there

Theresa Cantley (06:54)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (06:55)

shoveling and scooping, so when my parents would come home, especially my mom, because it was kind of her task in the spring after all the snow was gone to get the yard in order. And I did it for her because I just always wanted people to feel like I cared and that I was paying attention and I work hard and blah, blah, blah. I say all that to say I still am like that, but I was also quite boring, I feel like. But I didn’t know any better. I just grew up in a small town. We didn’t have neighbors. I just grew up

working, helping my parents and going to school. That was kind of my life, right? Well, when we were in high school, my brother and I, it was the first family trip we took, and Mom and Dad took us to the Grand Canyon and then Santa Fe, New Mexico. And when we were in Santa Fe, again, my parents had been going for years, and they’re very personable people if you met them. They’re hippies still at heart. Like, my dad can talk to anybody, pretty soon they’re friends, you know, it’s just

Theresa Cantley (07:26)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (07:48)

the way. If we go out to dinner, he’s going around the bar chatting with folks and making friends. And so they had friends in Santa Fe, and we walked into this art gallery in Santa Fe, and I’m just, you know, an awkward teenager in high school, as all teenagers are, and just kind of standing there, and I’m like, this is boring. You know, an art gallery as a teenager, who cares? And in comes flying this guy that was friends with my mom and dad. His name’s Brad.

Theresa Cantley (08:11)

Yeah, you don’t want to be there.

Morgan Barkus (08:17)

And he was like, yeah, last night we did this and that. And he’s a friend of another friend who unfortunately has since passed from cancer, but he lived in Santa Fe too. And he was this super charismatic guy that always had an eight-ball of coke on him. I mean, he was just like, he had all the girls, like, it’s super fun. And my parents hung out with these people. And as a teenager, I’m like, wow. If someone asked me, this is the moment in my whole life, I made a decision.

Theresa Cantley (08:33)

[Inaudible.]

Morgan Barkus (08:46)

In that moment, I was standing there, and this Brad guy is like, yeah, and then we went here and we did that. And I thought, if anybody asks me to tell them a cool story about my life, I got nothing. Like, I can’t think of one cool story. And I thought, wow, I’m kind of boring. Now, mind you, I’m only a teenager growing up in a small town in Wisconsin. But in that moment, I was like, I want stories. I’m gonna live this. I want stories. And so from that day forward, it was like, how do I create stories

Theresa Cantley (08:56)

Ha ha ha.

Morgan Barkus (09:15)

that people want to hear, and a life that’s exciting, you know? And so I remember when I was in my mid twenties, late twenties, and I worked as a stripper part-time, I was going to school full time in graduate school, and I worked full time as a family worker for families going through child protection issues. And my coworker at that job, every Monday I would come to work, she’d be like, so what’d you do this weekend?

Theresa Cantley (09:19)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (09:38)

God.

Morgan Barkus (09:44)

Well, you know, she always wanted to know, like, what were my stories. And so I became the girl who had the fun stories. And yeah, it wasn’t like super crazy, because I didn’t drink alcohol, I didn’t do drugs. It wasn’t that. I wasn’t a party animal. I was always like, if something came up, sure, why not? I’ll go do that. I’ll try that. Sure, I’ll go with those people. I just always wanted to make sure that I went through life and never thought,

Theresa Cantley (09:51)

The stories.

Morgan Barkus (10:13)

what if, or I should have. And yeah, I just thought, I want to try everything within reason. If it’s interesting to me, I’m gonna go for it. And if I don’t like it, cool. But I tried. And so I’ve moved across the country many times. My mom, she’s like, how many times? And we were counting, I think it was like twelve times in a certain amount of years that I moved.

Theresa Cantley (10:16)

You wanted to live.

Theresa Cantley (10:34)

Oh my God.

Morgan Barkus (10:36)

And my mom was there helping me every single time. She’s like, how many times do I need to keep moving? And now I’m talking about a move to France, you know, from Chicago all the way to France. So I don’t know. I just always, I’m here to experience life. Like, you only have a short amount of time. Money comes and goes, and don’t get me wrong, I want to be not stupid about money. So I do my best to be responsible with money, but I’m also like, spend it. I’m earning it, I’m here to spend it

Theresa Cantley (10:45)

France.

Morgan Barkus (11:05)

and have experiences. You know, I’m gonna fly first class because why not? It’s kind of a pretty good experience, you know. So within reason, I’m out here living life.

Theresa Cantley (11:13)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (11:16)

No, I mean, hey, you have to, because what’s the alternative, right? You know, and I love how you said that you wanted to have stories. And, you know, I know one of our mentors, Lori Harder, she always talks about how you gotta get out there and you gotta talk to people, you gotta experience things, because otherwise you’re just sitting at home and you’re not gonna get any stories other than what you see on

Morgan Barkus (11:28)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (11:46)

you know, TV or what you’re reading online or whatever. So you gotta get out there and you gotta experience life. And you definitely, God, moving twelve times.

Morgan Barkus (11:56)

I think we lost count somewhere along there. And not all of them were huge moves, but I grew up in Wisconsin. When I left, I went to Minnesota, lived there. Then I went to Florida, then California, back to Florida. Then I was in Kentucky and now Illinois. But even in Minneapolis, I moved four different times, you know. So my parents were there just helping me. And they’re like, why do you always have to live on the third floor, Morgan? But for safety reasons, I never ever wanted to live on a ground floor. And I will not stay on the ground floor in a hotel. I always want to be,

nobody can climb in my window. So

Theresa Cantley (12:27)

No, I agree with you. You know, funny thing, so when I worked at the laboratory company, we had gone over to Germany, and it was not that long after 9/11, it was like a month after, two months after 9/11. And we had to fly over to Germany and we were in Frankfurt. And I remember we get into this hotel, and the hotel almost felt like a hostel. It was like this

Morgan Barkus (12:42)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (12:54)

really small hotel and it was very weird. And one manager had picked it. And everybody goes to get in the elevator and they get their room key, and everybody’s on like the third or fourth floor. And I’m on the ground floor, which is like the basement. And I’m like, why am I on the basement? Why am I by myself down here? And it was dark. And people would come in at like one o’clock in the morning and stuff. And it was scary.

Morgan Barkus (13:18)

He

Theresa Cantley (13:23)

And I asked him the next morning, I’m like, why did you put me on the ground floor by myself? I don’t like the ground floor. Like, put me up a floor, the first floor, second floor. I don’t care. And he goes, well, I thought you smoked. I go, I don’t smoke. What? He goes, well, the ground floor is the smoking floor. I’m like, why would you think I smoked? I don’t smoke. It was the strangest thing. But I’m the same way. I don’t wanna be on the ground floor. No, no.

Morgan Barkus (13:50)

No. No. And I’ll be the first one to go look. I always pull up my Chris Voss from the book Never Split the Difference. And they’re like, hey, and I’m like, I’m gonna be your most annoying customer today. And then they look at me like, oh my God, and I’m like, any chance you have a third floor or above? And they’re like, yeah. So I try to use my negotiation skills if I get a room I don’t like.

Theresa Cantley (13:57)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (14:14)

Love that book, by the way. I saw him live. I was at an event, uh-huh. Saw him live, shook his hand, got to have a conversation with him. I mean, if you’re listening, Chris, I hope you are. I mean, one of the most interesting, his talk was hands down the best talk I have ever heard. I mean, he just told it like it was, like, just

Morgan Barkus (14:15)

Yes.

Morgan Barkus (14:18)

You did?

Morgan Barkus (14:38)

I love that.

Morgan Barkus (14:42)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (14:43)

really, hands down, it was the best. So if you ever have a chance to see him speak, he’s phenomenal. But yeah, his book and his negotiation, like what he talks about with negotiations, get them to say no. Don’t get them to say yes. Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (15:00)

Yes. And what I love about it, just like Walking on Eggshells, Never Split the Difference, there’s another book I really like, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr. Julie Smith. I have some of my favorite books over here. To me, whether you have a degree in therapy or some kind of psychology or not, we use psychology every day, whether it’s with your children, your partner, in business, and

to me, it’s just any tools to help me communicate more effectively so that both parties feel heard, validated. I’m here for it. So yeah, you don’t have to be an FBI negotiator to be intrigued by that book, because it really is about how do we effectively communicate so that both parties feel like it’s a win. And I’m a big fan. I’m a little envious that you got to see him, because I used to work for a major fitness franchise.

Theresa Cantley (15:31)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (15:56)

And when we would have the national conventions, they would sometimes have some really big names come in and speak. And I was always like, can we get Chris Voss?

Theresa Cantley (16:01)

Yeah, I saw him. It was him, Daymond John, Les Brown was there. I mean, and it was a very, very small event. So it was very intimate, and so you actually got to have a conversation with them. I mean, it was mind blowing. It was the best. But he was funny in his talk. Like, he was telling some of the stories about

Morgan Barkus (16:09)

Wow.

Morgan Barkus (16:12)

Oh wow. Yep.

Morgan Barkus (16:24)

Wow.

Theresa Cantley (16:33)

things that have happened to him and things that he’s done to illustrate certain points about communicating, about, you know, negotiating with people, about, you know, building a team and being a leader. And I mean, it was so good. So good. So you are a licensed therapist. Correct? You are not.

Morgan Barkus (16:52)

I am not. I am not. So basically I went to school to be a therapist. So I always knew I wanted to be a business owner. Like, let’s start there. And I was like, what do I want to do? And I went to school and got my bachelor’s degree in psychology. Well, you learn a lot about theories, but you’re not prepared to be any kind of mental health practitioner leaving a basic undergraduate. So then it was like, okay.

Theresa Cantley (17:09)

Gotcha.

Morgan Barkus (17:20)

I went to law school first semester because I thought, well, maybe I could be like a social worker with more power, you know, and really help people. Because I just always wanted to be in service of, and build people up and help them be their better selves in some manner, if you will. Went to law school and I was like, this is horrible. This is not for me. My brain doesn’t think this way. I don’t like this. So I ended up leaving that

Theresa Cantley (17:33)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (17:43)

right before our first exams, because I thought, I’m gonna fail out of this anyway. So let me just go ahead. And it’s not like I didn’t try. I had a mentor. I also had folks that were higher up in law school who were your mentors, and then I had something else. I was just struggling. It wasn’t for me. So then I got into the School of Social Work at the University of Minnesota, went to orientation, and I was like,

Theresa Cantley (17:55)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (18:06)

I don’t think I want to be a social worker the rest of my life. And so I left that program before even starting. I went to orientation. I was like, nope, this is not for me. So I will say I’m a very intuitive person. I very much follow my gut. My mom was always like, Morgan, if something doesn’t feel right, trust that. She always ingrained in me two things: never settle, and trust your gut. And so I’ve always just very much trusted myself, and she raised me not to be afraid to say what I think or what I feel. So

Theresa Cantley (18:23)

Mm.

Morgan Barkus (18:36)

then I got into a PsyD program and I got there, went to orientation, and I was like, hmm, these folks are real stuffy. I don’t think I’m gonna do well in this program. I’m just not a very conservative person, as you can probably tell. So I thought, this doesn’t feel right either. And I was literally walking out of the building and the recruitment officer was behind me, and he’s like, Morgan, what about the master’s in marriage and family therapy program? And I said, well,

can I still be a business owner and own my own practice with a master’s degree? Because in my mind, for some reason, I thought I had to have a doctorate degree. And he’s like, no, no, no, you can have a master’s degree and still, you know, throw up your own shingle and have your own business. And I was like, okay, well then tell me more about this program. I got into the program, I went to orientation, I was like, this is my jam. My advisor was a Native American guy who was a long time in the field, just really cool, intuitive.

Theresa Cantley (19:10)

No.

Morgan Barkus (19:30)

I met one of my best friends, and we’re still friends today, in our first class together. She saw me, and she probably had, well, I was wearing these stripper heels. Why I thought I should wear, I think I was trying to make a statement. Like, I’m smart and I’m a stripper, without saying it, you know. So my dumb ass, I don’t know why I wore these black high heel shoes in my first class in graduate school. And I remember where I was sitting. It was kind of a U-shaped situation, and then the professor.

Theresa Cantley (19:37)

[Inaudible.]

Theresa Cantley (19:46)

Ha ha ha.

Morgan Barkus (19:59)

And I’m sitting two in because of my last name. It starts with a B. So I’m so used to sitting in the front. So I was sitting right in the front. And then halfway through the U is my friend, we’re still really good friends now. But she saw me and she was like, this girl, she is her own person. And she’s like, I’m gonna like her. And sure enough, we became friends and we’re still friends to this day. She is a licensed therapist and does very well. She’s very well known in the community. She was even the president of the state organization for one of the years. So she’s a

Theresa Cantley (20:14)

Ha ha ha.

Morgan Barkus (20:29)

really good therapist. I chose not to get licensed for a couple reasons. One, it takes tons and tons and tons of hours in supervision to actually get licensed. And even then, you’re not paid a lot. And also, if I wanted to move, you have to be licensed in each state. And I thought, well, this is bullshit. I’m gonna spend all this time getting licensed in one state, and then if I want to move, now I gotta go get licensed? No. And so I actually ended up quitting a year in

Theresa Cantley (20:37)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (20:46)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (20:57)

because I thought, I’m making not even like forty-three thousand dollars a year after taxes. I was barely scraping by. And what’s crazy too is, I look back, when I was practicing as a therapist under a supervisor, I went up to him one day. He ran the clinic, the outpatient clinic. I said, how are people living off of this income? Because I’m having a real hard time. And he goes, well, Morgan, you have to understand, a lot of these people here, they have

Theresa Cantley (21:14)

Mm.

Morgan Barkus (21:26)

spouses. So her husband’s a lawyer, her husband’s a brain surgeon. They’re doing this because they enjoy the work, not because they need the money. And I was like, well, I kind of need the money, you know? So I ended up quitting, moving to Miami and going back into stripping, because I thought, well, sales makes money. And if nothing else, I can do that job in Miami until I figure out what I want to do. And I ended up doing it for six years before I got into a corporate position with a major fitness franchise. But I just,

Theresa Cantley (21:34)

Oh no.

Theresa Cantley (21:50)

Wow.

Morgan Barkus (21:54)

because I enjoyed the work, I had my own hours. I could go to the beach five days a week if I wanted to and work two nights a week and pay my bills. It was great. So I just lived my best life for a few years before I went back and got a big girl job. But yeah, so I’ve done all kinds of things. But long story short, I did not choose to get licensed as a therapist. But also, what’s interesting, there’s a gal that I met when I was in a mastermind, and we did a podcast together, and sometimes we get on Zoom and just catch up with each other.

She does marketing, but she helps people, they go through their natal chart to make sure that they’re actually using their voice, their physical voice, but also their voice in their marketing, that is in alignment with who they are, based on their natal chart. And when she read my natal chart, she started laughing and she goes, it’s almost comical that you thought you could be a therapist, because, she said, traditional therapists sit back, they take their notes, they’re quiet, they’re not allowed,

Theresa Cantley (22:38)

Wow.

Theresa Cantley (22:51)

Yeah, my sister.

Morgan Barkus (22:52)

understandably, you can’t have a dual relationship when you’re a therapist. So you can’t be friends with your clients. You can’t necessarily share your personal stories. You know, there’s a lot, and understandably, you gotta keep things ethical. As a coach, though, she’s like, which makes more sense. Now, having my own coaching business and working one on one with clients and doing voice notes and texting on the daily, we don’t necessarily have set sessions. It’s so much more engaging and interactive for both of us. Like,

Theresa Cantley (23:22)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (23:22)

I can literally be running errands, driving, walking a nature trail, and be messaging my clients. And she said, that makes more sense, because, she said, you move. Like, you need to be in it with your clients. And as a therapist, you were sitting back and being quiet. She said, it must have been torture for you. And I said, it was. It was so boring. Sometimes I was almost asleep with my eyes open. It was so boring. And again, no shade to people who are therapists and go to therapy. I have a client right now, she has a therapist.

Theresa Cantley (23:44)

[Inaudible.]

Morgan Barkus (23:50)

And she comes to me for other stuff, you know. So it’s just how I work. I work with people, and it’s gotta be very interactive and engaging, and we’re kind of on the move together. And so therapy, the traditional route, was just not for me.

Theresa Cantley (23:52)

Yeah, yeah.

Theresa Cantley (24:05)

Yeah, my sister’s a therapist. So when you were describing, I’m like, that’s my sister. No offense, Tanya, if you’re watching.

Morgan Barkus (24:07)

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can’t. Yeah. And then you gotta write up treatment plans and take notes, and no thank you. I don’t wanna. Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (24:18)

Yeah, it’s a lot of detail and a lot of structure, and I agree with you. That’s not my thing either. So tell us a little bit about the Confidence Club, because this is, you know, this is like the heart of you, like what you do and what you’re about, and really kind of what you went through yourself, you know, through all these lives.

Morgan Barkus (24:36)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (24:46)

So tell us a little bit about how the Confidence Club came about and tell us a little bit about what it is. And the other thing I want to ask you is, before we get into what the Confidence Club is, what is confidence to you? Because you teach women to be more confident, but what exactly does that mean? Because we hear it all over the place, with leadership, just in general, in everyday life, you know. What does it mean to you?

Morgan Barkus (25:07)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (25:13)

It is layered, multifaceted, it is an evolution, it’s ever changing, in my opinion. Because some people are like, I just thought some people had confidence and some didn’t. Now, when we first started, you said, Morgan, you’re pretty happy. Were you always happy? No. I mean, I was diagnosably depressed when I was younger, because I was so lost. And to me it was a weird transition going from teenager to twenties, college, but not yet on your own.

Until I finally was done with school and on my own and living my life and feeling like, this is awesome. I needed a lot of independence and freedom to finally feel happy. So for me, the teenage years and the college years were really hard for me. And my family had nothing to do with it. I have an awesome family. I’m super close to my parents. I just didn’t like that weird transition where you’re still a kid, but you’re not a kid. In college you were an adult, but not really. It wasn’t until I really felt purposeful and

on my own that I finally started to get more confident. And happy. I think confidence is, there’s so many different, because, for instance, one of the clients I work with, she is working on it and she’s doing a great job. She was not confident using her voice in relationships with men. So she was tolerating abusive relationships, mediocre.

Theresa Cantley (26:30)

Hm.

Morgan Barkus (26:35)

She was settling because it wasn’t a good fit, but it was better than being alone. There were all these things. So we are working on her confidence being on her own, by herself, without some man filling in gaps that she thinks she needs filled in. But then you look at her, she’s a seven-figure earner, business owner. She is a badass, confident bitch in other areas. So I don’t think it’s like a light switch where you’re confident or you’re not, or you’re born with it or you’re not. Now, do I think certain people have personalities that are a little more outgoing than others?

Theresa Cantley (26:46)

Mm.

Theresa Cantley (26:57)

Sure, sure.

Morgan Barkus (27:04)

Absolutely. I think I am an introverted extrovert. I need a lot of time to rejuvenate on my own. I need a lot of alone time. But boy, you get me on this podcast, you give me a microphone in front of a room, you have me teach group fitness classes, I’m on. I’m big, I’m on, I could perform, love it. Right.

Theresa Cantley (27:25)

Yeah, yeah.

Morgan Barkus (27:26)

So I think everybody has where they feel confident, which is interesting. The name of my company is called The Confidence Stage because the confidence stage for me was, with my dancing background, when I walked out on the stage, I mean, I was on and it was so fun to perform. I love performing. I’m an exhibitionist at heart. It was so fun for me. That was my stage. Like, what’s your stage? Where do you feel confident? Is it in the boardroom? Is it in the kitchen? Is it whatever?

Where do you feel the most confident? Yeah. So it was really an evolution of finding the name of my company, because every woman has a stage where she walks out and she’s like, I’m a badass bitch. But that doesn’t mean that they’re confident in all the areas of their life. So for me, the confidence first started when I was just a kid and my mom was like, I’m not ordering for you. You have a mouth. Tell the server what you want. So my parents were very much like,

Theresa Cantley (27:55)

Mm, I love that.

Morgan Barkus (28:22)

you know, say the thing, use your voice. If something feels uncomfortable, say that. I was raised to be my own person and not be afraid to say, I don’t like that. That doesn’t feel good. I’m not gonna do that. Or, I’m gonna go do this, you can do that, that’s fine. There was no attachment to it.

Theresa Cantley (28:32)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (28:46)

You’re good.

Morgan Barkus (28:47)

Okay, good. Then for me, another journey in confidence was body confidence. So for me, I struggled with that a lot. Now, a lot of women do. Such a bummer, but it is what it is. I wanted to be tall and skinny. Well, it turns out I’m five three and curvy, you know. I got my paternal grandmother’s genes, and I was like, what the fuck? So it wasn’t until I was 26 when I finally reckoned with that and became a stripper, and I was like, wait.

Theresa Cantley (29:00)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (29:06)

Me too.

Morgan Barkus (29:16)

All these women in here are sexy and confident and they’re making money and people want to be in their company and they’re having fun. And it’s not because they look a certain way and they’re perfect. It’s because they feel confident in themselves. They have an attitude like, I am the shit, and you’re gonna have to pay for this shit, you know. And I was like, wow, this is awesome! And so all this body confidence stuff that I was carrying around since I was 19 years old, at 26 was gone, because

I was in an environment where all these women were super confident in their bodies and in themselves. And I realized, this paradigm that I’ve been carrying around, this thing that social media or just, you know, the standards of society have kind of pressed on me, that doesn’t make it true. And so that was one of my journeys in confidence, body confidence. So first, standing up for myself. It was, it was. So I would say first, standing up for myself and not settling, and just really being

Theresa Cantley (30:07)

That’s a big thing.

Morgan Barkus (30:14)

okay using my voice and who I am, expressing myself in fashion, in my voice, however I want. Then it was body confidence stuff. Then my next journey was money confidence. I had a lot of, you know, money doesn’t grow on trees, and rich people are this, that, and the other thing. And I also was kind of not finding my way in a career, and it drove my dad crazy. He was more like, can you just pick something and stick with it? Because my dad,

he was a very successful plumbing contractor his entire life. Nineteen years old, he ended up getting his master’s in plumbing, and he was literally a very successful plumbing contractor his entire life until he retired. And even now at 72, he still takes side jobs for cash for really good customers that he’s had over the years. But he was a steadfast dude. Like, this is what it is, and this is what I’m gonna do, and I’m gonna do it the best possible. Not me. I was like, I’m gonna go try this, and maybe I’ll go try that. And so for me,

Theresa Cantley (30:49)

Oh wow.

Morgan Barkus (31:12)

in that exploration, I didn’t necessarily have a solid economic standing, and I didn’t understand financial stuff. And I just kind of was like an ostrich and I put my head in the sand until I was 39 years old. It was December of 2020. No, 2019. And I was like, Morgan, it’s time to pull it together. You’re about to be 40. Come on now. You can’t be an ostrich forever. So my confidence was finally writing out all the things,

assets over here, losses over there. It was finally reading books, surrounding myself with different people. Because that energy was out there, then I got a job that paid three times more than what I was used to. It was like, whoa. So then it was like, okay. As I had these little wins financially, I got more confident in that. The next journey for me was business. Not super confident as a business owner. Well, what do you do? You hire a business coach, you get around other people who are building businesses. So I think for confidence, I don’t care

Theresa Cantley (31:43)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (32:09)

what area you’re struggling in: hire somebody, get a mentor, get a coach, read the books, and then share your experience with other people who are also in that situation. Because every little win, yeah, every win, you’re like, that wasn’t so bad. Like the first time you do something, it was like, I didn’t die. And actually I feel kind of empowered now. You know, so you have it stack, almost, like win stack. And then for me the last journey was love stuff.

Theresa Cantley (32:18)

Yeah. [Inaudible.]

Theresa Cantley (32:35)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (32:39)

Because I am anxiously attached. You know, it’s not a mental health problem. It’s not a personality disorder. And it can really be difficult to be a confident person in relationships if you’re always worried that you’re gonna get abandoned if you say the thing. I mean, I had a relationship years ago, and I was like, that’s where that came from. So years ago, I was in a relationship with someone, and three months into our relationship, we found out

that his ex was five months pregnant. We’re like, great, not at all. Right. And I was like, well, I’m kind of in it now. I like you. So what are we gonna do? You know, and I had a lot of questions, because it was like, whoo, okay. So what about this? And what about that? And I hit him with a bunch of questions, and I thought we were having a conversation. He went to take a shower, came back, and he’s like, this isn’t gonna work. We’re breaking up. And I was like, wait, I thought we were just having a conversation. So

Theresa Cantley (33:09)

Oh no.

Theresa Cantley (33:19)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (33:33)

so very quickly I learned, in relationships, you can’t say how you feel or ask questions or challenge your partner, because then he’ll just leave you. And so then in every relationship after that, including that one, I just stayed small. I didn’t ask questions. I didn’t share my feelings. I put up with a lot of shit. And then when I finally ended that relationship in my 40s, because we broke up in my 20s, dated again in my forties, wouldn’t recommend.

Theresa Cantley (33:41)

Yeah. Oh, well.

Theresa Cantley (34:00)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (34:00)

But for me, it was the lessons I needed to learn. Because in that relationship, I thought, it’s not any different than when I was in my 20s. I am still learning the same lesson. The common denominator is me. I gotta work on me, because I am choosing the wrong people for me. What I want and how I would like to have a relationship is not what I’m apparently attracting or even attracted to. I’m attracted to the wrong people, apparently. So I had to really work on myself and go, what is it that I do want?

Who is the woman who speaks up, even though it’s scary to say how she feels about something? And to believe that there’s a partner in the world that when I say, hey, I’m feeling this way, can we talk about it? He says, tell me more, and pulls me close. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t gaslight me. He doesn’t make me out to be the bad guy. And that was my last frontier, if you will, in confidence. So, all that to say, I don’t think there’s like a

you’re confident or not. It’s various areas of your life. You can feel really confident in one area. Or even, like, body confidence. I talked to a gal the other day. She came to the Confidence Club and she went through some things with her mental health stuff, and she picked up some weight that she’s really struggling with. So even though she was super confident in her body at one time in her life, right now she’s struggling with that, and she’s working on building that. I just think it’s always a moving target, and it really

is something that you don’t get to just arrive and it’s done. It’s like fitness. You don’t work out one time and you’re like, woo, I am fit and I’m gonna be fit forever. It’s every day. And some days you feel good enough to do this kind of workout, and some days you’re like, you know, all I have in me today is a walk. Great. You know, and some days you go to the gym and you give her hell for an hour and a half. You really have to trust yourself and really be aware of what’s going on with yourself,

Theresa Cantley (35:33)

It’s dynamic. Yeah, it’s

Theresa Cantley (35:43)

I think

Theresa Cantley (35:48)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (35:51)

inside and outside, every day. And give yourself grace. Because I think some people really get down on themselves, especially women. They’re like, well, this should have been figured out by now. Or, I used to be able to do this and now I can’t. Hey, hey, you know, if you listen to or you read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, always do your best is one of the agreements. And your best will change every day. And that’s okay. And I think a lot of women have a hard time giving themselves grace. So there’s

Theresa Cantley (36:08)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (36:21)

That’s the dynamic thing. It’s not static. And a lot of people, you’re right, a lot of people think that confidence is like a light switch, and it’s not. I think, you know, based on what you were saying, and I know I’ve experienced this myself, it depends on what impacts are coming into your world. It affects whether or not you, it’s that dynamic thing, and the energy that you end up giving to it.

Morgan Barkus (36:24)

No.

Theresa Cantley (36:49)

How you interpret it, and then, you know, it’s the whole, how do you see yourself, you know? And I think as those impacts happen, I think what I hear you saying is it really comes down to having that full-on trust in yourself, and really knowing who you are,

Morgan Barkus (36:57)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (37:18)

but also being willing to learn more, so that it’s that constant process of becoming, right?

Morgan Barkus (37:26)

Trusting. So when I ended the relationship back in March of 2024, it was like, I know that this is not the right person for me, and this still really sucks. And a girlfriend of mine and I were going back and forth on Instagram in the DMs, and I went to college with her way back when, so she knew me when I was 23 and kind of knew some of the hot mess express that I was back then, especially in intimate relationships.

And she sent me something, and I literally printed it. It’s on my refrigerator. And I say it to myself whenever my anxious attachment is coming up, because I don’t think it ever completely goes away. It’s more how you manage those feelings, that confidence piece, and that what is meant for you will stay. And sometimes when I’m feeling triggered or I’m not feeling confident, I have to remind myself of that, because no matter what, as you said, I live my life. I slam my heart into everything. I go a hundred percent.

Theresa Cantley (38:02)

Yeah. Yep.

Theresa Cantley (38:23)

Yes, you do.

Morgan Barkus (38:23)

Head first. And I’ve even had my dad, one time when I made one of my moves, he goes, well, what if you hate it? And I said, then I’ll move again. I guess I’ve learned that whatever is meant for me, or whatever experience is meant for me, I have to trust that that’s what’s gonna happen. And when it comes to intimate relationships, and what I work on with my clients, is if you’re so confident in you and you know you are the full package, you are.

It’s not because you’re not pretty enough, or because you said the wrong thing, or maybe you shouldn’t have opened up that can of worms, or you shouldn’t have told them that you felt this way about that thing. No, no, no. To really trust and be confident enough to be a hundred percent you, and whatever is meant for you will stay. You don’t have to beg someone, hide things, decide how you’re gonna, you know, filter what you gotta say to somebody. No, you want to be a hundred percent you and confident in that, and whoever is meant for you will stay. And it’s

your job. I mean, if you’re like, maybe if I wouldn’t have done this thing, then I wouldn’t have lost that job. No. What’s meant for you will stay, and to trust that. And I think it takes a lot of confidence to go, that really sucked, but I guess that’s what’s meant to happen. I have to be strong enough to not go, what if, or I should have. It’s more like have the confidence. Yeah. To go, this is what’s meant, and I have to be authentic to me, because I meet a lot of women that

Theresa Cantley (39:40)

Takes a lot of belief. Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (39:49)

they’re decoding messages. They’re like, should I say this or should I say that? Should I say it now or should I wait until, and it’s like, I just want you to be 100% you and trust that what is meant for you will stay. Because that’s something I had to work on. That I have to be myself, and what’s meant for me, whether it’s friends or intimate partners or even jobs, certain experiences, places I’ve lived. When it’s time to pivot, we will know that, if you trust yourself. We will know that.

Anything we say or do will, yes, have a consequence, because everything in life does, but what is meant for you will be in your life at the end of that, and to trust that. And that’s hard. And that’s hard for some of the clients I work with, to trust that if they’re truly themselves and they’re confident in that, the right people will fucking love it.

Theresa Cantley (40:39)

Yeah. No, I think a lot of people struggle with it. I know at times I struggle with it, especially like what you were saying, because sometimes I get into this cycle of, everything that I say, I question it. And this happens like

Morgan Barkus (40:54)

Mm. You mean in your personal life, in your business, or everything? What do you mean?

Theresa Cantley (40:58)

Just kind of everything. So I’ll speak in front of a crowd, and I’ll speak, you know, at an event or something. And as soon as I get off the stage, my brain goes to, oh my God, did they just think what I said was stupid? Did I just say something stupid? Was I not, and it doesn’t happen all the time. And it’s actually something, you know, I’m just being fully transparent here, it’s something that I’ve struggled with since I was young.

Morgan Barkus (41:03)

Mm-hmm.

Morgan Barkus (41:14)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (41:27)

Because it was one of those things where, at a young age, at some point, you got shushed. Or it was, don’t say that, that’s wrong. So I think it’s something that just has stuck with me. But my husband, like, we’ll be out somewhere and I would say, did that just sound stupid? Did you just hear what I said? And my husband’s like, Theresa, what you said was fine. It was perfect. Stop questioning yourself.

Morgan Barkus (41:34)

Sure.

Theresa Cantley (41:56)

And it takes me, I’m much better now at catching it and saying to myself, okay, you know what? What I just said, I was meant to say. Like, I was supposed to say it. And I’m one of those people that stays present. I stay focused on what someone’s saying, and I listen very intently. So whatever is coming out of my mouth, it is coming from a place of trying to help,

Morgan Barkus (42:20)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (42:26)

trying to serve, trying to be kind, you know, whatever it is, you know, but that self-doubt creeps in. And I’m sure a lot of your clients have that same thing, where it’s that self-doubt, and you have to almost learn how to trust yourself again.

Morgan Barkus (42:28)

Be curious. Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (42:47)

Yeah. What’s interesting is I used to have a terrible inner dialogue. One of the first books that was really impactful for me was Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life. Because my inner dialogue was really negative, very critical. And it was around 19 years old that I practiced, for at least a year, every morning writing positive things about myself. And at first you’re like, this is stupid. I don’t believe this shit. You know, you’re like, this isn’t true.

Theresa Cantley (42:59)

Oh yeah.

Morgan Barkus (43:14)

But then it was like, all of a sudden I stopped saying so many mean things to myself. And then pretty soon it just disappeared completely. And I didn’t even think about it all these years later, because I was 19. Now I’m 46 years old. And I was listening to a podcast, and someone was talking about their inner dialogue, and that, you know, some people have this inner dialogue that’s just constantly going over what they said. They’re constantly thinking behind them.

Theresa Cantley (43:23)

Mm.

Theresa Cantley (43:43)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (43:43)

And I thought, wait a second, I don’t even have an inner dialogue. Do I have an inner dialogue? And so I was asking my mom, I’m like, do you have an inner dialogue? She’s like, absolutely. So if we’re somewhere, she goes, I think, should I have said that? Or maybe I didn’t. Did I talk too much? You know, she has that inner dialogue, and I’m like, wow, I don’t even have that. I’m always thinking about, am I hungry? I’m kind of hungry. What do I feel like? I’m always looking at what’s ahead, or I’m observing. I’m like, ooh,

Theresa Cantley (43:52)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (44:07)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (44:08)

that is not an outfit choice I would have made, or those are cute shoes. You know, I’m always either observing or I’m thinking about what I’m going to do next. But that is a trained behavior. And then I was talking to another gal yesterday at the Confidence Club, and she’s like, I have these grooves in my brain that I’ve received from my family. You can’t be thin enough, you can’t be rich enough, right? And so she’s like, my worthiness is tied to how thin I am. I’m not thin, so therefore I’m not worthy.

Theresa Cantley (44:11)

Ha ha ha.

Morgan Barkus (44:36)

So she’s not dating, she’s not, you know. And I was like, except that was a script handed to you. That doesn’t make it true. And she’s like, I know, but it’s decades of, it’s in there. And I said, absolutely. And it will take time to reprogram it. And you can, because just because you were handed that script doesn’t mean you have to keep reading it. You can literally rewrite a different script. Now, does it take some work in the beginning? Yeah, I worked my ass off to change my inner dialogue. I mean, it legit took a long time to shut that down.

Theresa Cantley (44:46)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (45:05)

I also really like Byron Katie’s The Work. Any negative thought you have, and this is when I broke up with the ex years ago, and I had a therapist, because right away I was like, I gotta talk to a therapist. I wanna process this and move through this as quick as possible. And so I immediately got into therapy. And this gentleman, bless him, I wanted to gripe and be like, and then this, and then he did that, and he did not tolerate any of that. He’s like, hey,

Theresa Cantley (45:08)

Mm, mm-hmm.

Morgan Barkus (45:32)

every time that you feel anxious or you have a negative thought, I want you to write it down. And then I want you to first feel the feeling, then go, what is the thought that’s causing this feeling? And then I want you to write down the exact opposite. That’s all I want you to do in the next week. And then when we talk again, we’ll go through that. And I was like, because I wanted to gripe. You know, I wanted to go through all the stuff and why I should be upset. And he didn’t care. He didn’t want to hear the story. And

Theresa Cantley (45:58)

[Inaudible.]

Morgan Barkus (46:00)

then when I found Byron Katie’s The Work, I was like, okay, this is why it’s so effective. Because really, as soon as you have a negative thought, you go, is it true? Is it absolutely true? Well, no. So what is the opposite thought? And what if that’s true? And I didn’t even know about that work until more recently, but that’s what I’ve been working on my whole life. And then it just starts to become natural. So to me, the encouraging thing is

every client I’ve worked with, you know, even when you’re talking with your girlfriends, the girl that colors my hair, we got in a conversation because she has a lot of anxiety that comes up. And I kind of worked her through that process, you know, and she’s like, thanks for doing that. That was really helpful. Because everybody struggles with some kind of dialogue, no matter if it’s anxious or insecurity or something. But that doesn’t make it absolutely true. And you get to decide what that thought is.

And you will then feel accordingly. And so it’s like, wow, I have control of that. Yes. And you actually have to do some work. I mean, it’s not gonna automatically change. We’ve been handed scripts from childhood or from previous experiences in our lives. That doesn’t make it true. So rather than be a victim, and that’s where, for me, I had to really go, wow, I’ve had a lot of unhealthy relationships in my past. Who’s the common denominator? Right here.

Theresa Cantley (46:58)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (47:24)

So rather than being like, well, he said this and he did that. No, no, no. I’m the one that chose all those relationships. So he may or may not be a great guy. It doesn’t matter. It has nothing to do with him. It has to do with me. So what do I need to change about myself? And that’s what I work on with my clients, because one of my favorite clients, she used to screenshot text messages from this guy. What do you think about this? I said, I don’t care. I’m not even gonna read it.

Theresa Cantley (47:29)

Ha ha ha.

Theresa Cantley (47:36)

Mm.

Morgan Barkus (47:50)

I don’t care about the guy. I care about you. What do you need? How do you want to feel? What kind of relationship do you want? Does this guy match that? And she’s like, no. Great. So let’s talk about that. You know, because we can dissect all these text messages until the cows come home. It’s not gonna make a difference. Are you happy? Do you know what you even want and what you’re tolerating right now? Because that was the work I had to do. And it was like, this is me. I am the one that’s in control of what I think,

Theresa Cantley (48:06)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (48:20)

what I’m attracting, how I’m moving through the world. Whew, I got some work to do. So

Theresa Cantley (48:25)

Oh my gosh. Because I was going to ask you, like, what would be three things you would tell someone if they were struggling with this, but you just kind of answered it, you know. The first thing, everybody has an inner dialogue. And you can change it. I think one of the things that you said, and it’s something that my writing coach has told me about, my therapist had told me about, my speaking coach has told me about, is to write it. Like, literally write.

Morgan Barkus (48:38)

Mm-hmm. You can change it.

Morgan Barkus (48:53)

Yes.

Theresa Cantley (48:54)

Like, you feel it and then write out, like, what is it? And the things that they’ve had me do is cross it out and then rewrite what the truth is. So you write that statement, like what’s going through your head. Like, I’m not worthy because I’m not thin. Okay. And then you ask yourself, is that really true? Like, where are you worthy? Well, I have lots of friends and

Morgan Barkus (49:06)

Mm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Morgan Barkus (49:17)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (49:22)

I have a good job and I’ve been able to live on my own. And so then you cross off that statement that is a false statement, a lie statement, that thing that’s going through your head. You cross it off and then you say the truth. And the truth is, yeah.

Morgan Barkus (49:36)

Well, and I would say, yeah, the opposite truth of that one would be, my worthiness has nothing to do with the number on the scale. You know, and it’s like, that’s kind of hard to hear, and I’m having a hard time taking that in. But that’s actually true. Like the statement of, I’m not worthy because I’m fifty or eighty pounds heavier than I used to be, so I’m not worthy of dating. Who says? Who said that? Because if

Theresa Cantley (49:45)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (50:01)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Morgan Barkus (50:04)

if that was absolutely true, then anyone that was over a hundred and ten pounds and five foot nine wouldn’t have a partner. So, you know, it’s just, or, you know, anxious attachment stuff. Like, maybe I’m just meant to be alone forever. Do you know that that’s absolutely true? Because I used to tell myself that maybe there just isn’t somebody for me. And my mom would be like, no, I don’t believe it, Morgan. And I was like, I don’t know, Mom, you don’t know that. I might die alone. You don’t know that there’s somebody for me.

Theresa Cantley (50:26)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (50:32)

That’s not possible. That’s not possible. Yes, exactly. Exactly. So speaking of that, I wanna round out this whole conversation with what’s next for Morgan. And speaking of there being a person or not being a person, but there is a person. So I wanna know, like, what’s next? Like you, I mean, you are still working

Morgan Barkus (50:33)

You don’t know for sure, Mom. But she was like, and you don’t know for sure that there isn’t. And I was like, yeah.

Morgan Barkus (50:56)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (51:02)

Mm-hmm.

Theresa Cantley (51:02)

in equipment sales. You do have your own business, and I know your business is growing. And you have something new on the horizon. So let’s tell the listeners about that.

Morgan Barkus (51:19)

Sure. I have always valued freedom. As you can tell, I’ve moved a lot, I’ve tried a lot of different careers. I just always like to feel free in my life to do. And I’ve always wanted to be a business owner. My dad’s a business owner, my brother is. It was just kind of almost in my DNA, it seems like, to be independent, to be self-sufficient, to call the shots and build something. And so, that being said, I always knew it,

hence getting my degree in therapy. I knew I wanted to work with people. I love, why are we doing the things we do? I want to understand the behavior, the patterns, and go, do we want to change this? You know, what would be maybe a better option? I’m very solution focused as well, because I like to understand, but then I want to find a solution. I’ve done it in my own love life. I love doing it with clients. So for me it was always like, okay, I want to be in service of. And then

Theresa Cantley (52:05)

Sure.

Morgan Barkus (52:14)

because of all the very many things I’ve done, one of my favorite jobs in the universe, I loved getting paid for it, yes, but I would have done it even if I didn’t get paid. I loved teaching dance and fitness classes at an all-women’s studio back in Minnesota. It was so fun. I used to do bachelorette parties, girls’ nights out. It was pole dancing, pole fitness, teach them a couple spins. The girls felt like they were, you know, Wonder Woman. I mean, it was so cute. I loved watching the confidence shift that

Theresa Cantley (52:27)

Mm.

Morgan Barkus (52:43)

quickly, because I could literally take someone who’s coming in, and they’re kind of unsure about their body and themselves, and they’re like, oh my God, and then they’re flying around a pole and they’re feeling sexy. And I just loved how quickly I could move them from a little wallflower to doing a spin and feeling like they could take over the world. It was so fun for me. And so I thought, okay, I want to work with women. I knew I wanted, how do I help them be more confident physically, and just

logistically, I was like, okay, I’m done teaching physical fitness classes and dance classes. So what can I do to still work with women, build their confidence? And what is my favorite thing to talk about in the universe? Sex and relationships. My favorite topics. So it’s like, well, I could create a coaching business around this. And so for me, going back to the freedom piece, I’ve always wanted to be geographically independent.

Theresa Cantley (53:24)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (53:36)

So what’s interesting is, when I was leaving college when I was 23, I told my parents, hey, I think I want to move to Ibiza, Spain for a year. And they said, the fuck you are. We just put you through college. You’re gonna get a fucking job. And I was like, okay. I was like, okay, maybe that is a little crazy, you know. So I was thinking, I could learn how to bartend and speak Spanish, like, that’d be fun. But my parents are like, you’re gonna get a job. And I was like, okay.

Theresa Cantley (53:59)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (54:02)

Oddly enough, or coincidentally, I should say, I ended up getting a cocktail server job at a restaurant in Minneapolis. I could have been doing that in Ibiza, but anyway. So I didn’t travel abroad at that time. And then, God, all these years go by, right? And I got to travel internationally, some for a corporate job I had in a fitness franchise, which was awesome. And it gave me that, like, ooh, I want to travel more abroad. And so my New Year’s resolution to myself

going into 2026 was, I want to travel internationally at least twice a year. If I’m not gonna move internationally, I want to at least travel twice a year somewhere and just get that itch scratched and fulfill that thing that I want to experience and feel. So in March I went to Morocco for the first time to visit a best friend. She and I went to college together, and she’s born and raised in Rabat. And so it was so fun to have someone who’s born and raised local

Theresa Cantley (54:41)

Mm.

Morgan Barkus (54:57)

show you around. I basically wanted for nothing and got to spend a little over a week with her. It was awesome. And then in June of 2026, I went to Paris on a solo trip. And I was nervous, actually. I’m pretty confident, but I gotta admit, I was nervous, because I was traveling alone for the first time internationally. Because normally, if I traveled internationally, a business owner was meeting me, and, you know, would help me get to my accommodations or would take me out to dinner with my coworker or whatever.

Theresa Cantley (55:03)

Nice.

Morgan Barkus (55:27)

And then when I went to Morocco, my best friend basically took care of everything for me. I stayed with her. Well, I’m like, wow, I’m going to Paris. I don’t speak the language. I’m going completely by myself. And I’m like, what am I gonna do every day? Who am I gonna talk to? And then it turned out to be delightful. Like, literally two hours after I got to my Airbnb. I felt a little lonely at first. I was like, wow, I’m in this country all by myself. And then two hours later, I’m like, I can live here. Maybe I should look for an apartment.

You know, I was in it, and rode the metro for the first time. After like three days, I finally got courageous enough to get on the metro. I was really nervous about going underground. I don’t like being underground. And then on my last night in Paris, well, and what’s crazy, [inaudible], is, again, going back to my relationship history, I was never clear. I had one guy I went to college with, years later, he’s like, you know what I like about you? You don’t even have a type, Morgan. You just date everybody.

Theresa Cantley (56:07)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (56:25)

And it’s true. I had dated police officers, drug dealers, pro athletes, like just everybody, anybody that came through my life. If they were interested and they piqued my curiosity, I was like, let’s do this. And it might have been a short love affair or a little bit longer, but you know, it was just all over the place. And my other intention going into 2026 was, I would like to find a partner. I truly believe it’s time, that I’m ready for this. I’ve been resistant to it because of my freedom. I don’t want to lose my freedom, right?

Theresa Cantley (56:46)

Oh yeah.

Morgan Barkus (56:54)

And I’m very curious, and I like to have a lot of experiences in life. And it’s not particularly fulfilling anymore. I don’t find it as fun as I used to, and I’m just kind of over it. I’ve done all the things, and now I’m like, I think I actually do want a partner. So I read the book Calling in the One and did the work and started to really think, who is this woman? Who am I if I am a committed partner and a loving partner,

Theresa Cantley (57:12)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (57:21)

in a relationship where the person matches me in all the ways? Who is that girl? And becoming that woman. And that was tying into the international travel and just living that kind of lifestyle. And then sure enough, my last day in Paris, I literally am sitting at a cafe, I’m smiling, I’m happy, I’m drinking my beer and reading my murder mystery, just thinking, my life is really great. Like, I did this. I am here. I paid for this trip. I’m having a great time. I bought

a Gucci scarf that was overpriced, but it was worth it. I’m in Paris, right? And I’m just living my life. And then literally up the sidewalk comes this gorgeous man. And I’m like, well, that’s my husband right there. That’s him. As soon as I saw him, I was like, that’s my person right there. And he walked by and I was like, huh. Girl, women do not chase, we receive. So you best believe I did not chase him. I wanted to, but I did not. Because I was like,

Theresa Cantley (58:10)

Did you go chasing after him?

I’m sorry.

Morgan Barkus (58:19)

what am I gonna? But universe, that’s my guy right there. What am I gonna do? So I was watching him, and I was like, is he gonna turn around? Is he gonna turn around? He did not turn around. He just got smaller and smaller and smaller, and then he was gone. And I was like, man. I was like, well, there goes my husband. Well, again, what’s meant for you will be in your life, right? So I thought, okay, universe, if he was meant to be in my life, he would have turned around and said, hey, can I come have a drink with you? He did not, so I was like, you know what?

Universe, thank you for the sign. That man lit me up like a Christmas tree. Haven’t felt that in many, many years, so I’m gonna keep a lookout for somebody else that makes me light up like a Christmas tree like that guy just did. I was like, okay, thank you, universe, appreciate you. Paid my bill like a half hour later, started walking down the sidewalk to go to this Italian spot I had made a reservation at. And I’m kind of tearing up a little bit, because I’m like, God, my life is really great.

It’s been a rocky road sometimes, and I am here. Like, this has been a great trip. I’ve seen beautiful things. I’ve eaten good food. I saw a beautiful man. I got to see David Guetta in concert at a football stadium with 80,000 people. I mean, I had a great time. And I thought, I built this life. This is pretty awesome, you know? And then literally a second later, across the intersection comes this guy again. And I was like, it’s you!

Theresa Cantley (59:26)

Oh my.

Morgan Barkus (59:44)

And he looks at me with a big smile on his face again. And he walks up to me, and I’m talking to him, and I find out he speaks French and I’m speaking English. And so we’re Google translating. And basically he said, what are you doing? I said, I have a reservation at this restaurant. And I said, do you wanna come with me? He’s like, sure. And I said, right, okay. And he goes, well, not right now. I’m in my work clothes. I gotta go change. I’ll come back. So he went to the hotel, came back. And the reason we ran into each other is because he had been there for a month.

And this man does not go to Paris all the time. He had been to Paris two times in seven years. So it’s not like he’s in Paris all the time. My first and only time in Paris, both of our last nights in the city. And he had accidentally gone to the wrong hotel, because he usually stays at a different hotel. And for whatever reason, the last night he was there, the company he was working with put him up in a different hotel. So he went to the wrong hotel first, was backtracking, and that’s why we met. And it was like, well, this is something right here. So anyway.

Theresa Cantley (1:00:18)

Oh, well.

Morgan Barkus (1:00:43)

A week later he came to Chicago, came to the US for the first time. Then I went to visit him again in France. And anyway, so I say all that to say: freedom. All these years later, now I’m planning on moving to France. So that is in process right now. It’ll be like eight-ish months before I can actually make the move. And there’s a whole gamut of things that I have to get in order to do that. And what’s really great is, now that I’ve established my business and I already have some clients,

Theresa Cantley (1:01:05)

Oh yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:01:11)

I could carry that over to France and expand it internationally. So I’m really excited about that, because I will say, in this day and age, so grateful for WhatsApp and Wi-Fi. I couldn’t run my business if it wasn’t for this platform that we’re recording a podcast on, because I have a podcast. Just to be able to work from anywhere and build a business from anywhere, and have the opportunity to take this business that I have established here in the US

and also establish it in France and really expand that experience. And I’m really looking forward to it, because we were talking about the Confidence Club. It’s basically a free community for women who are actively dating, or they’re the women like I was that are like, you know what, maybe I’m just better off alone. And in their heart of hearts, they would love to meet someone. And it’s just like, what backpack of baggage do you have to set down? This limiting belief that there isn’t really somebody out there for you. Because that was what I had to do, the final step

Theresa Cantley (1:02:05)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:02:09)

to meeting my French sweetheart. I had to finally set down the belief that men make women’s lives worse. Because, I mean, for me, I was like, you work so hard, you build your business, and then a guy comes in and he just ruins everything. You know, that was my mindset. I was like, I think I’m better off on my own. I think I’m happier, less stressed. And it was like, but is that true? Do I want to carry around that limiting belief? And I had a friend that basically reflected that back to me.

Theresa Cantley (1:02:23)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:02:39)

She’s like, you’re gonna be alone forever if you choose to hold on to that belief. And I was like, yeah, you’re right. And I knew that in my heart of hearts, but having someone reflect it back to me, that’s why it’s good to have friends, mentors, coaches in your life, because sometimes you’re carrying things around and you’re so stuck on that thing, and you need someone else. Yeah. Or, you know, you realize it, but you still can’t let it go and you don’t know why. And then to have someone else say, hey, this is gonna be your reality if you choose to hold on to that limiting belief.

Theresa Cantley (1:02:56)

Yeah, and you don’t even realize that.

Morgan Barkus (1:03:09)

And it’s like, God, you’re right. And is that really what you want? No. You know, and so to have someone kind of be that mirror for you when you need it. And anyway, I basically set that backpack down, and the next day I met someone. So it’s like, wow. And so I think, truly, if you trust that everything that’s meant for you is already in motion, you just have to let go of certain things, work on certain things, build certain things up.

But yeah, that’s the big thing I’m working on, an international move and

Theresa Cantley (1:03:40)

An international move, an international business, and oh my gosh. And who knows, I mean, who knows what else is in store for you? I mean

Morgan Barkus (1:03:43)

Yeah. Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:03:48)

That’s the delightful thing about life. And that’s why, like I said, I would drive my dad crazy, because he’s a very rational man, and he likes numbers, and he likes a linear path. And for me, I’m like, I don’t know, but I just trust the process. And that saying used to drive me nuts. People said, you have to trust the process. And I’d think, no, no, I want a crystal ball. I want to know what I’m supposed to do. And now I wish I had a t-shirt that said trust the process. Because I’m like, it’s true. If you just put an intention out and go,

Theresa Cantley (1:03:55)

Mine too.

Theresa Cantley (1:04:07)

Yeah.

Theresa Cantley (1:04:13)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:04:17)

like even behind me, I got my vision board, right? And when I read Calling in the One, she’s like, check your surroundings. Even your surroundings, things that you’re saying to your friends, memes you’re sharing with your friends on Instagram, are they reflecting the life you want to have? You know, and so one of my clients, I called her out once. I said, you know, that meme is funny. But if you want to find a partner, this is not the kind of energy that you want to be sharing with me or your girlfriends, because now you’re just

calling more of that into your life. And I realized on my vision board, I didn’t have anything about love on there. It was money, traveling, speaking, a cool car that I like. And I was like, boy, I’m not even calling love into my life, in my surroundings, on my vision board, in the art around my apartment, you know. And so it’s just like, ooh, I gotta switch that up. So little things that you do are calling things that are already in motion and literally already happening around us.

Theresa Cantley (1:04:53)

[Inaudible.]

Morgan Barkus (1:05:16)

It’s just waiting for you to call it in, in a way. I don’t know, it’s pretty cool.

Theresa Cantley (1:05:19)

Yeah. I love that. I love that. Morgan, this has been an amazing conversation.

Morgan Barkus (1:05:28)

Thank you. I feel like it’s been all over the place, so

Theresa Cantley (1:05:30)

No, no. Whenever I have people on, even when I do my solo show, I want it to be conversational. I want it to be like, you know, we’re just sitting having a conversation over coffee, you know, because you never know what amazing things are gonna come up. And every time I interview somebody, I always have some notes of things that I wanna ask them about. But something amazing always comes up and then I just

go with it. So this is a different type of conversation than I normally have. And I think it was important to have you talk about it, because, as I said, you know, with trust being so low in the world, in businesses, just in society in general, with all the turmoil that, you know, we’re going through,

the thing that we cannot lose is that trust in ourselves. And I think that with so many impacts that have happened with people, I think that self-doubt, that anxiety, the sadness, the loneliness, the frustration is there. And I think having you on and having you speak your truth is going to resonate with so many people. And again, it’s a conversation that I really wanted to have. And just your energy.

I mean, like I said at the top of the show, it makes me want to be a better person. So I know people that are watching this, you know, and not even a better person, but it makes me want to be the truest form of who I am. So I think anybody who’s watching this or listening to it, you know, is gonna absolutely feel the same. So thank you, thank you, thank you so much for joining us. How can people

find you, whether it’s to join the Confidence Club or even to work with you one on one, or even just to hear, I mean, she has the best Instagram posts and stories and stuff. So how can people find you?

Morgan Barkus (1:07:35)

Oh, thank you.

Morgan Barkus (1:07:40)

Well, there’s lots of ways. I would love for folks to go find me on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. My podcast is Your Unapologetic Life, which you just said. I want women to live out loud without apology. Go live out loud. Don’t worry about what other people think. Wear the thing, do the thing, say the thing. Just go. So a lot of the episodes, whether they’re solo or with someone, are about just really living out loud and not apologizing for it.

So that’s a good place to start. And truly, the easiest way to find me is just to search my name, Morgan Barkus. I’m very grateful my name is unique. My website pops up, my podcast pops up. It’s so easy to find me, because my name is, I’m very grateful, one of a kind. And so it’s very easy to find me and Google me. And then I would say, join the Confidence Club if you’re a single woman and you’re actively dating, or you’re like, you know what, I think I’m over dating. Men are trash, I think I’m just better off alone.

Theresa Cantley (1:08:22)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:08:36)

Because it’s more of a book club, and we meet once a week. It’s a free community. I choose a book that really was impactful to me, and we just hammer it out together in a month. You can read it. You don’t have to read it. It’s basically, I’m extracting things from the book that I took away, and then we’re gonna workshop and talk about it together. So, like, this last week, we were working on Calling in the One right now, and the gals that were on the call, they hadn’t read the book.

Theresa Cantley (1:08:55)

Yeah.

Morgan Barkus (1:09:04)

No problem. They bought it, hadn’t started it. The one girl was seven pages in. I said, doesn’t matter. We’re gonna go ahead and workshop your three most significant relationships in your life. We’re gonna talk about the patterns. What are you looking for now? So it’s more about, read the book, don’t read the book. It’s more, what did I get from the book? And how can we workshop this together, so that when you are out in the world, you’re not scrolling and swiping on these apps. You’re literally attracting the right person

Theresa Cantley (1:09:30)

Mm-hmm.

Morgan Barkus (1:09:32)

just by living your life. Go live your life. What do you want? Who are you? Who is that woman that you want to be? Go be her. And I swear the right person will walk right in. And I would say the best place to start that process is joining the Confidence Club. And that’s on my website.

Theresa Cantley (1:09:49)

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us here. Like I said, I am so super grateful that I met you, that you are my friend. And you just make the world a better place, for sure. So, yes, thank you. Everybody, thank you so much for joining us, whether you listened in on

Morgan Barkus (1:09:53)

Thank you.

Morgan Barkus (1:10:00)

Right?

Morgan Barkus (1:10:06)

Oh, thank you. I appreciate you.

Theresa Cantley (1:10:14)

LinkedIn or you listened in on Facebook, or, like I said, if you’re listening to the podcast once it’s out, thank you so much for joining us here every week. And as I always say, let’s take care of each other a little bit more than we already do, because we all need it. So have a great rest of your afternoon, and we will see you back here next week.

End of transcript

Find Morgan Barkus, The Confidence Club and her podcast, Your Unapologetic Life, at morganbarkus.com or on Instagram at @morganbarkus.

New episodes of The Main Street CEO with Theresa Cantley come out every week wherever you listen to podcasts.