We hear it all the time: “know thyself.” But what does that really mean for leaders? It’s more than just understanding your values and what you stand for. It’s about truly owning your identity and how that shows up in your leadership. When you aren’t fully connected to your identity, it doesn’t just affect you – it impacts your team, your business, and your ability to lead effectively.
As a leader, your identity isn’t just about what you wear or how you present yourself, though those things can be a reflection of it. I traded my corporate suits and heels for jeans, sneakers, and a blazer because that’s who I am. I wasn’t trying to fit into a mold anymore – I was embracing my true identity. And in leadership, that’s critical. Because how you see yourself and your capabilities determines how you show up for others.
Your Thoughts Shape Your Identity
At its core, leadership is about inspiring people. But before you can inspire others, you have to understand how you lead yourself. Our thoughts create our beliefs, our beliefs shape our identity, and our identity influences our actions. If you don’t believe you’re capable, that belief will shape your leadership in ways you may not even realize.
Many leaders, especially in corporate settings, feel pressured to conform to an image of what they think a leader should be. They see others and think, “I need to be like that.” But when you’re not fully connected to who you truly are, your leadership identity gets warped. This disconnect manifests in five key ways, which can negatively affect your team and business.
Five Ways a Disconnected Identity Shows Up in Leadership
1. Overcompensating
Leaders who feel uncertain about their capabilities often overcompensate by making everything about themselves. They take credit for everything, micromanage, and try to handle everything on their own. This stems from a deep-seated insecurity about their own value and abilities. Instead of leading with confidence, they lead with a need for validation.
2. Overcomplicating
Sometimes, when leaders aren’t sure how to handle a situation, they make things more complicated than they need to be. They add unnecessary layers to processes, over-explain simple concepts, or create busywork – all as a way to avoid admitting they don’t have the answers. Simplicity is powerful, and great leaders know that clarity is more effective than complexity.
3. Under Communicating
There’s a lack of good communication here. These leaders will talk all day about themselves and their accomplishments, but they won’t hear other people’s perspectives on issues – because it would require them to admit they don’t have all the answers.
4. Condescending
Leaders who aren’t confident in their identity will often speak in a condescending way to others on their team. Why? Because if the leader is hoarding their knowledge, they won’t want to hear their perspective. So they’ll cut them down so they can’t be seen as better than the leader.
5. Complaining
People who have a poor sense of identity as a leader, employee, or person can turn to complaining. They blame other people for their problems – other employees or outside circumstances – and nothing is ever their fault.
How to Embrace Your True Identity
If you find yourself struggling with self-doubt or feeling like you need to be someone you’re not, you’re not alone (it’s human nature!). Let’s talk about five key ways to own your identity and become the best leader you can be.
1. Accept That You Won’t Have All the Answers
Great leaders don’t have all the answers – they know how to find them. No one knows everything, and that’s okay! What matters is being resourceful. When faced with a challenge, acknowledge what you don’t know and commit to finding solutions. This not only builds your confidence but also shows your team that it’s okay to ask questions and learn as you go.
Instead of feeling pressured to have every answer, shift your mindset to: I don’t know this yet, but I will figure it out. That’s the mark of a strong leader.
2. Talk to Your Team and Get Their Perspective
Leadership isn’t a solo act – it’s a team effort. One of the most powerful things you can do is engage with your team, ask for their insights, and collaborate on solutions.
If you’re facing a challenge, try saying, “Here’s where we’re struggling. I don’t have all the answers, but let’s figure it out together.” When you involve your team in problem-solving, you encourage diverse thinking, spark innovation, and build a culture of trust.
3. Ask for Help and Keep Learning
No leader succeeds alone. Whether it’s a mentor, coach, or online resources, seeking guidance is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are endless ways to expand your knowledge – from reading books and taking courses to watching expert-led videos on platforms like MasterClass. The key is to always be learning and growing.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who’s been in your shoes. Learning from others’ experiences can help you avoid common pitfalls and fast-track your growth as a leader.
4. Let Go of Control
Trying to control everything is a fast track to burnout – and it stifles your team’s growth, too. True leadership means empowering others, not hoarding knowledge or micromanaging every detail.
Encourage your team to step up, take ownership, and develop their skills. If you’re always the one handling everything, you limit your business’s potential. Instead, focus on mentoring and preparing your team to take on more responsibility so you can step back and focus on the bigger vision.
5. Adopt a Mentor Mindset
A growth mindset is great – but a mentor mindset takes things to the next level. It’s not just about improving yourself; it’s about lifting others up, too. As you grow in your leadership role, prioritize teaching, guiding, and mentoring the people around you.
When you help your team develop their strengths and align them with the business’s needs, everyone benefits. Your team becomes stronger, your business runs more smoothly, and you create a culture where learning and collaboration thrive.
Resources Mentioned
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